By: Julius

Thanks KM readers and admins for waiting for the next parts. I am trying my best to tell the whole story without missing an interesting detail and putting out those that seems to be unnecessary. Hopefully you stay tuned and thanks for the reviews. Also, I'm trying to make some conversations a bit modified for reading purposes but the thought is still there as much as I can without putting extra statements.
Last part I finished with myself being drawn towards Darwin. I never thought of him as such a great person. Now I have myself being drawn towards two straight men or 'straight' men who keeps on pursuing me. Marc kissed me. Darwin kissed me. I kissed Marc, I asked him to kiss me. I never return Darwin's kiss. Ganito pala feeling ng nagmamahal. It was ecstatic. It's as if they fuel your life with happiness and you crave for it every single day. But I was full of denial. I kept on suppressing those feeling because I was afraid. I never felt love towards an opposite gender much as I have on the same gender. What I had before is sister's love. Which does not count as a romantic kind of love. That is what I'm afraid of. Romance. Lust. I can't imagine myself touching someone before. Now, someone kissed me and I returned a kiss. What do I have to do?

It was some time I realized I was in front of my bathroom's mirror. I was brushing my teeth. Hoping that the waters can take away the kiss Darwin gave me. I can't do this. Namamangka ako sa dalawang ilog ika nga nila. I can't confess what I feel towards Marc and kiss Darwin the next day. It's cheating. No. Wala pa kami ni Marc. But it's rude. I can't go kissing two people just because.. Circumstances happen. I can explain it to Marc. And what Darwin and I shared.. Well, why do I need to explain? Guling gulo na ako. Earlier next day I saw Berna on the couch at the couch area.

Ako: good morning
Berna: gabi na.
Ako: good evening
Berna: ano kailangan Bagani?
Ako: Marc and I kissed. Several…. Three times, no. Four times, as much as I can remember. I only returned one of those kiss(???)
Berna: ang gulo mo ateng pero wow ah.. So si Marc nga?
Ako: *making a weird face* well…. Darwin kissed me, too. Last night. At his sister's wedding reception.
Berna: ateng isa-isa lang, swerte mo naman.
Ako: I'm serious! I need help.

Berna: anong help ateng? Hair cut? Haba ng hair eh.
Ako: maybe an advice?
Berna: anong advice ba Bagani?
Ako: see, I think I'm cheating.
Berna: dtr'd na ba ikaw sa isa sa kanila?
Ako: dt-what?
Berna: Define-the-relationship thing. Or at least exclusively dating. Or labeled?
Ako: not yet.
Berna: then.. It's your privilege. Bilang ikaw ang nililigawan, pwede ka mag-entertain ng ibang manliligaw. Unless exclusive ka na dun sa nanliligaw sa'yo. Hindi masama yan. Ang masama is yung nililigawan ka nila tapos may nililigawan pa silang iba. Ano yun? More raffle entries, more chances of winning?
Ako: I mean, kissing.
Berna: makati ka na niyan ateng pag nakikipaghalikan ka sa lahat ng manliligaw mo.
Ako: yun nga yung kailangan ko ng enlightenment. Am I taking advantage of them.
Berna: well, a bit. But I'm sure it's not intentional. Siguro you're trying to weigh them both by kissing them.
Ako: not exactly. Darwin kissed me. I did not kiss him back. I returned Marc's kiss once.
Berna: anong naramdaman mo?
Ako: I felt drawn towards both of them. I don't want to hurt anybody. But I know this is wrong.
Berna: hmm.. Landi yan ateng.
Ako: Bern! I'm not joking. I hope you'd be more helpful.
Berna: sige na Bagani. Eto na. Ready ka na ba magjowa?
Ako: i don't know. (T.T)
Berna: Try. Pag naenjoy ko yung relationship then stay. Pag hindi then let go.
Ako: I just can't jump into things unprepared.
Berna: you can't prepare for love Bagani. Love is not an event or a war. It's more of a lightning bolt about to struck you. You can't help but be shocked. Shooooccckkeed. *no pun intended*
Ako: but..
Berna: there's nothing to prepare for.
Ako: *sigh*

It was a long day I spent with the two. I enjoy their company. Alam na kaya nila na pareho na silang naka-stole ng kiss? Ugh! There's one more person to consult. Soon as I get home I used the landline to call my sister.
Ate Dina: hello?
Ako: where are you?
Ate Dina: Just got off from work.
Ako: I need to talk to you.
Ate Dina: what is it?
Ako: see you at our place.
Ate Dina: sure.

So I went to the hotel where she works and into the penthouse.

Ate Dina: I've been here for the whole day. What's bothering my angel?
Ako: Darwin and Marc. They both had a chance to kiss me.
Ate Dina: when? How do you feel?
Ako: Marc stole a kiss first when we were riding an elevator. And, there's one time I kissed him back. Sa Puerto Galera.
Ate Dina: you have so much to tell me. I'll order wine? Champagne?
Ako: sparkling wine.
Ate Dina: sige
Umorder na si Ate Dina.
Ate: how about Darwin?
Ako: he kissed me once. At the event he took me as a guest. At his sister's wedding.
Ate: did anyone saw?
Ako: everyone. He kissed me when we danced on the stage. His family seems fine with what happened. They have western influence.
Ate Dina: woah. That's a huge step. Who do feel is more sincere? To whom do you feel drawn into.
Ako: I feel drawn towards both of them. I don't know…
Ate Dina: it's totally normal. You have two persons trying to win you. And they're both great as much as I can tell.
Dumating na yung Sparkling Wine and we drank while we're having a conversation.
Ako: --that's when I realized I love to be with him. His touch. His sincerity. I adore it.
Ate Dina: then set aside you hesitations. I know you. You do great in decisions. Let go of the other one. Let go of HIM.
Ako: he will be hurt.
Ate Dina: that's no longer your concern. You can't have them both. In love, someone will always be compromised.
Ako: I can't hurt him
Ate Dina: sooner or later he'll realize you choose the right person for you. He'll come into his senses and move on.
Ako: *sigh
Ate Dina: look, it's not your fault anymore if you don't feel the same way to him than you do to the other person.
Ako: I just can't hurt someone.
Ate Dina: he'll be happy for you if he truly loves you. He'll let you choose. He will understand. So, first thing tomorrow, tell him you love him, but you love other person more and you see yourself better with the other person than with him.
Ako: *deep breath* ok. And how am I going to tell this other person that I love him back?
Ate Dina: just tell him.
Ako: ok..
Ate Dina: good luck.
Ako: I'll spend the night here ok?
Ate Dina: let"s finish this bottle. I'm so happy for you. I want to meet this other person ok?
Ako: sure sure.

We finished the bottle of sparkling wine and Ate Dina went home. I checked my phone for a message. It doesn't have any. I rarely use my phone. I called Him.
Ako: hi.
Him: ano yun?
Ako: I have to tell you something.
Him: ano?
Ako: do you love me?
Him: yes. What is this about?
Ako: I love you. I want you to be happy.
Him: I love you too. But what is this really about? Are you saying you're ready to be in a relationship with me?
Ako: I'm sorry. I want you to find someone else. I made up my mind. I can't be with you if I'm going to choose the other person. I hope you find your happiness.
Him: y-yeah. Ok, bye.
Ako: B-

The line got disconnected. I hurt him. How am I going to face him tomorrow? Morning came and I went to work prepared for everything that may happen.

Darwin: hi.
Ako: hello.
Darwin: how are you?
Ako: I'm fine. You?
Darwin: I'm doin---
Berna: hi!!! Everyone! Berna, from Antipolo, how's everyone?!

Berna butted in, until we started classes. Nag first break na kami, marami masyadong nangyari. Until lunch came. I went to approach Darwin.

Ako: hi.
Darwin: hi?
Ako: I need to tell you something.
Darwin: ano?
Ako: I- It's been a hard choice.
Darwin: yes. It hurt me. I'm trying to act normal here, give me some space.
Ako: what? What do you mean?
Darwin: that it hurts me you chose Marc over me. It's fine. Go on, tell him how lucky he is.

That's when I remembered calling him the night before this day. I was so dumb I forgot all that.

Ako: uhm.. I.. Yeah. I'll talk to him. I really am so sorry. I want you to be happy.
Darwin: it's you that makes me happy. I love you. I want you to be happy, and if I'm not enough to make you happy, I'll be glad to see you happy with someone else.

I embraced him and walked away. I went to see Marc. We smoked and we talked.

Ako: I talked to Darwin. I chose you over him.
Marc: really?
Marc's eyes lit.
Ako: yes.
Marc threw his cigar and took mine to throw as well.
Marc: you don't know how much this makes me happy.
Ako: I'm afraid. I don't know if I can do this.
Marc: don't be.
Ako: I don't even know what it is to be a partner.

Marc grabbed me hands. He put my right hand to his chest and I felt his heart beating. His heart beats so loud it told me I was right.

Marc: don't try to be anything else, you're as perfect as you are right now and I wilk never take you for granted.
Ako: just tell me if you find me boring and if you want to meet someone else and I'll let you go.
Marc: ang bilis naman nating magbreak.
Ako: hindi. I mean, just be honest okay?
Marc: so, you and I, we're WE?
Ako: yes.
Marc: yes!
Marc kissed me. Mabilis lang yung kiss. Just a smack.
Marc: date, later after the class?
Ako: sure.
We spent lunch together and we went back to our classroom holding hands.

Berna: class. Ayiiee!!!!! Si Marc na and Jules!!! Sinukuan, you're mine, hahahaha
Everyone cheered uo except of course for Darwin.
Magkatabi na kami ni Marc buong klase at ako naman ay medyo awkward sa pinasok kong sitwasyon. Also, naikwento ko na rin kay Ate ko na kami na nga ni Marc. She was very happy. With my new found relationship, I am happy. Marc makes me feel safe. Marc and Darwin talked about this and they were fine with each other. Everything settled down. Final day for final week came and everyone got thoroughly evaluated. I was afraid Darwin will not make it because of the stress I caused him. But everyone made it. Our transition from training to operations were fine. Marc and I, we still discover new things from each other. Ate Dina met Marc as well and she's very happy. We got busy at work but we're still consistent in making time for each other. 2 weeks na kami sa operations. It was a very stressful week.

Marc: Paps, you want to see a movie?
Ako: yeah sure. Later?
Marc: yeah.

The day for work ended and we went to megamall to check the movies, we went to see The first movie for The Hobbit. The Hobbit, The Unexpected Journey. Which I found good for the first few chapters of the book. I just found it odd to see some characters which are not part of the book. Nakaakbay sakin si Marc buong time na nanood kami ng movie. Later after we finished the movie, we ate dinner. Sa French Baker kami kumain and we made fun of some Aussie accents we developed throughout the training and with speaking with our clients. We finished our meal and Marc offered to take me home. We went to my apartment. It was his first time to see my apartment and he thoroughly scanned the whole place. He's amazed how organized the place is. Even the sheets of my bed were neat. He grabbed a book, The Hobbit.
Marc: eto yung pinanood natin ah?
Ako: yes, a few chapters.
Marc's eyes dimmed a bit.
Ako: what's wrong?
Marc: when you said you want me to be honest, you mean I need to be honest even if it will hurt you, right?
Ako: y-yes.
Marc: earlier, I saw my ex girlfriend. She saw me. I know you don't use social medias, but here's her message to me on facebook.

I read through her former girlfriend's message.
"Tangina naman Marc, hahanap ka na lang ng panakip butas lalaki pa. Alam mo sinasaktan mo ako ng husto. Mahal mo ba talaga yan o nananadista ka lang? Kilala kita Marc, hindi ka kamo papatol sa kahit kaninong bakla. Bakit ngayon? Bakit ngayon pa? Wag mo nang lokohin sariili mo Marc. Iniwan mo ko para pumatol jan? Marc, ganti ba 'to kay She? Marc don't be dumb! I thought bibigyan pa kita ng chance para bumalik, pero ayoko na Marc, tama na yung sakit na binigay mo sakin, at ayokong pagsaluhan pa natin yung makukuha mong sakit jan."

Ako: who's She?
Marc: tibo niyang kabit yun.
Ako: is that why you court me?
Marc: no! I love you.
Ako: Marc, be honest.
Marc: I love you.
Ako: tell me, is that why you court me?
Marc: falling in love with you was unexpected. My former girlfriend, nagkaroon siya ng kabit dati na tibo. Yun yung reason kung bakit naging madalas kami mag-away. That's not the reason I court you.
Ako: sabi niya hinding hindi ka papatol sa kapwa mo lalaki.
Marc: you said never to judge someone by their gender. It's not your gender I saw in you. It's you. Your gender is a part of you I learnt to love. I love you, whether you be a man or a woman, I'd fall for you, because you are a great person. And I am happy when I'm with you.
Ako: I'm sorry. I was irrational. I should've appreciated you being honest.

I kissed him in his cheek. He sat down on my bed and reached the book on the shelf near my bed, The Lord of the Rings. My hands were on his shoulders.

Marc: this book was released prior to the release of the Hobbit.
Ako: yes.
Marc: you are this book.
Ako: what do you mean?
Marc: you are my story now. My story before may just be emerging by now. You may discover something from my previous story but right now, it's you that I love, it's you that matters the most for me now.
Ako: I don't know what to say, but I love you, too.
Mark stood up and kissed me. He kissed me and I leaned on the wall. He took my hands and pinned them on the wall. I kissed him back. We were kissing. He slided his hand and put them in my back. My other hand still pinned on the wall. I wrapped my free arm on his nape and kissed him. He moved backwards, about 7 steps and we fell on my bed. I was on top of him. I can feel his breath on my face. It's as if we share the same air. He rolled over me and kissed me harder. He put his hand on my jaw and took a deep breath.

Marc: I want to do this.
Ako: what?
Marc: to love you.
Ako: and by that you mean?
Marc: you know what I mean.

He started to pull my shirt up. He touched my waist with his hand. It was so warm. I let him do what he wants. He pulled my shirt up and he took his shirt off, exposing his six pack abs. Compared to my flat belly, his is so much defined. I touched his abs and slide my fingers through those defined muscles. He kissed me again. Me hands were on his back. He pinned my arm on the bed and he kissed me. My free arm is on his chest. I slide my arm down to his jeans and pulled his belt. I unbuttoned his jeans and slide his zipper. He took care of my belt and my jeans. He's about to pull my pants off when I took his hand.

Ako: stop. I can't do this.
Marc: y-yeah.
Ako: I'm sorry.
Marc: I understand.
We both sat down on my bed. I buried my face on his shoulder. He wrapped my arms around my body. The warmth we share was so intense it makes me shiver. My other hand was placed on his defined chest. His heart's beating so fast.
Marc: I'm sorry. I cornered you into something you are not yet ready to do.
Ako: it's fine. *deep breath*
Marc: It's just that I want to prove that I love you very much, I was clouded by the things my former girlfriend told me.
Ako: I love you too. But this can wait, right?
Marc: right.
Marc squeezed my hand. He kissed me, he kissed my forehead, and he took his shirt. He stood up and something sinked in to me.
Ako: Marc.
Marc: yes.
I stood up and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. I pulled him back to my bed and we kissed. He's on top of me. He threw his shirt away and pulled my pants off. He unzipped his jeans and I pushed his jeans down a little bit enough for his boxer brief to show. I touched his chest and pull him away.
Ako: please be gentle.
Marc: yeah, I promise I won't hurt you.
To be continued.