By: Julius

Shout out muna for Gorgeous for your positive criticisms. I read a lot of stories and saw your comments. Nakakatuwa lang may avid KM reader na nagcriticize ng shine-share kong story. And for Sandara Park, I'll try my best to keep my tenses parallel. Thanks for all the readers.
2nd day namin sa Pangasinan. I woke up next to Darwin, naked. I pulled the blanket to cover myself and cried. This isn't right. Darwin woke up a little after I pulled the blanket.

Darwin: what's wrong?
Ako: this. This is so wrong.
Darwin: what do you--
Ako: what?
Darwin: what do you mean?
Ako: what's wrong with you?
Darwin: what?
Ako: why are we here?
Darwin: you mean you don't remember?
Ako: It's obvious I don't remember.

I threw up. The blanket had been covered with vomit. I stood up and ran towards the bathroom. I soaked myself in warm water and thoroughly cleaned myself. I was crying. This isn't right. What happened? When I finished cleaning myself, i covered myself with the towel available. I went back to where my things are settled and dressed myself up. Sa labas na pala ng kwarto naligo si Darwin. I was shocked when he entered the room newly bathe, and without knocking.

Darwin: how are you?
Ako: explain everything to me.

Darwin still dries his hair with a towel.

Darwin: we.. Ok, I asked you if you were okay. You said no and we talked a lot. I went back inside to get us a drink. We finished a bottle of wine.
Darwin filled me up with what happened. Everything without missing a detail. Including How I Met Your Mother. This was our conversation as what Darwin said.

Darwin: so, you never wanted kids?
Ako: I can't imagine myself with kids.
Darwin: so, Robin Scherbatsky?
Ako: exactly. Wait, we talked about HIMYM?
Darwin: hi Robin, I'm Tes Mosby.
Ako: how absurd! You can't make a reference like that.

Darwin's face crumpled when I said that.

Ako: What? It's not as if you're still in love with me, Ted. Oh. TED!
Darwin: you see, I wanted kids, but I don't love you because you will be able to give me a family. I love you because of who you are. Because you make me happy, and makes my heart skip a beat.
Ako: that's totally insane. You see why I let Marc go? It's because I want to spare him from regrets. It will be the same for you. And you have a girlfriend, so.. Negative.
Darwin: what if I tell you i never had a girlfriend? That I was just waiting for you?
Ako: hahahaha, hello? Where's Darwin? I don't wanna talk with wine.
Darwin: I'm serious. I waited for you. Because I love you. Didn't you saw the hints?
Ako: what hints?
Darwin: i just told you. I referred to myself as Ted soon as you agreed to be Robin.
Ako: I don't want to talk anymore.
Darwin: why? Face it! Somebody loves you.
Ako: I don't even know if I can love again.
Darwin: I'll teach you how to love again. Just give me a chance.
Ako: you see, I love Marc. It was my parents' love I've been craving for for many years. Yes I was happy with Marc. But he never fulfilled what I needed the most. What makes you think you can fulfill what's inside this broken thing? (I said while I repeatedly knocked my chest with my closed fist)
Darwin: I said I want to love you and make you happy. I know I can never fill that heart with what you need. I just want to see you happy. It hurts me.. Nasasaktan ako pag ganyan ka.
Ako: and what about that whole girlfriend thing? What makes you think na I will believe you? That all along you were pretending to have one?
Darwin: cause that's the truth.
Ako: I don't know. Hindi ko alam kung makakapagmahal pa ulit ako.
Darwin held my hand to stop me from knocking my chest. He put ny hand on his jaw and closed his eyes. There's one person I remembered doing that gesture. Marc. Naubos na pala namin yung bote ng wine nun. That's what happened according to Darwin. Going back to our conversation in the morning.
Darwin: I kissed you when you said you don't know if you can love again. And you kissed me back! It's a proof you can love again. I've been longing to kiss you. To comfort you, to be there for you when I heard you and Marc are over.
Ako: you took me for granted!
Darwin: is that how you're feeling?
Ako: how else should I react?
Darwin: at least tell me you love me too. That you don't regret what happened between us last night.
Ako: that's the whole point, I regret it.
Darwin: Thanks a lot. Thanks for hurting me again.
He walked out but went back inside again
Darwin: yeah, what am I to you? Really? I'm just a person that loves you.. That cares about you so much. Maybe that's not enough for you to love me. Or at least care for me.
Darwin went outside again. I was left alone. Somewhere I was never familiar with. And… Darwin went back.
Darwin: oh, and you know what? I thought last night was very special. I thought you meant everything you said. But now I realized it was the alcohol I spoke with. Now that you're sober it's clear that you never meant what you said last night. I hoped, that somehow you'll wake up next to me, feeling joyful and fulfilled.. But I can see how disgusted you are, I can't take it anymore. I'm done.
And Darwin finally left me. Gravity seems to pull me harder, my knees gave way for me to find myself sitting on the floor. I was alone… Or so I thought..
Darwin: you know what?-- oh..
Darwin stopped when he saw me on the floor and my legs were bleeding. So are my hands. When I was about to hit the floor I accidentally bumped a bottle of wine near the end table and it shattered on the floor around my legs and explained why I'm bleeding. My blood and the wine mixed it gave a darker color to the liquid that slowly spreads on the floor. The pain was nice. I'm hurt but it felt good that I can still feel. That's when I came to understand people who hurts themselves. Yung mga naglalaslas or whatever, it's not something someone should be criticized for. People should understand that when a person can no longer feel anything, pain saves the day to tell us we're still alive. That clinging to pain can only be the way for us to still hope that one day, maybe, just maybe, life can turn around.
Ako: why are you still here? Isn't it pretty obvious I want you out?
Darwin: you're bleeding.. Come on, let me help you.
I waved my hand against his and it only caused for me to slide causing the pieces of glass to further shove to my legs and knees.
Ako: aww!
Darwin: come on, let me help you.
Darwin grabbed my armpits and helped me stood. We went outside the room and I realized we were on the room outside the villa. This is the room I did not bothered to check because I was sure we'll all be spending the night at the villa. Turns out it is where I'll be spending the night with a person that's very persistent. When we reached the villa a few steps away from where we were, my other batch mates came to check me. Some actually was of no help. Nakitsismis lang. Dahil wala kaming nakaprepare na first aid kid, nagtiis ako sa tongs, they used it to carefully get the pieces of glass out of my skin. Also, water saturated with salt. For cleaning my wounds. And to cover it, we used Marc's handkerchieves. Later that day they went to buy gauze and tape to replace Marc's handkerchieves. For the second day, gumala sila and I stayed sa villa just to rest. I woke up with Darwin outside the porch reading a book as I peeked through the window. I discovered Darwin volunteered to take care of me. Darwin went inside and we had a conversation.
Darwin: kamusta na?
Ako: It still hurts.
Darwin:…..
Ako: what?
Darwin: what?
Ako: what is that look?
Darwin: I was asking how's your wounds.
Ako: I told you--
Darwin: don't make it an excuse. I know what you meant when you said you're still hurt. It's Marc isn't it?
Ako: what if, siya nga? I already told you. What's gonna change?
Darwin: me! I love you. Marc is there with everyone, enjoying the trip. I stayed for you.
Ako: I did not ask you to stay. If gusto mo umalis you can go ahead.
Darwin: what happened to Jules, to the Jules that wants to open up and make friends?
Ako: I don't know. Broken, maybe. And.. If you try to enter from a broken window, you'll be wounded. So please.. Not now.
Darwin: no, if it's worth it, why would I stop?
Ako: oh come on! Is there a thing you understand from what I said?
Darwin: what is clear to me is how I love you.
Ako: *I took a deep breath* when you said you thought I meant what I said last night, if you may tell me, what are the things I spoke?
Darwin: you said, you wish Marc is Ted. And that Marc actually is very close to Ted's personality. You said I'm more of a Barney Stinson.

Sorry sa mga di relate, Ted Mosby sa How I Met Your Mother is a hopeless romantic guy, the good guy. Barney Stinson is a promiscuous guy. Ted, Barney, Robin, Marshall and Lily are friends, or gang. They hangout together. Ted and Robin fell inlove with each other, they became a couple but they broke up. Throughout the series, Barney and Robin fell inlove with each other as well, they ended up marrying each other having Ted as Barney's best man. They just lasted 3 years. Sa final episode ng season 9 ng HIMYM, matanda na sila, Ted made a move to get Robin back by showing her the blue french horn they stole on their first date sa first season. Kase after Barney, Robin focused on her career and never had anyone else. Ted has 2 kids, his wife passed away. Anyway, panoorin niyo na lang, basta ayun magkakaibigan silang lima. Going back to our conversation.

Ako: and what's next?
Darwin: I told you.. One day I'll marry you just like Barney did.
Ako: and how did I react.
Darwin: you said, I can give it a try. But don't set my expectations because you're not sure if you can love me back. Then we kissed. Because you said I can give it a try, I did.
Ako: ugh! I'm so embarassed.
Darwin: when we made it to the bed, you were calling me Marc. It hurt me but when you kissed me, it took away all the pain. I knew you were drunk that time. I'm sorry, I just can't help it when you appear, I just suddenly lose myself. Right now, I want to kiss you. You're sober now. Will.. You.. Let.. Me?
Ako: It was the alcohol you spoke with last night. I'm really sorry. I can't do this right now.

Darwin stoop up, he lost hope as I can tell from his eyes. He was 5 steps away when I called him back.

Darwin: why?
Ako: I do appreciate how much you care about me. I really do. Can you stay with me a little longer?
Darwin: sure.

And we shared the blanket that was covering me. That time it's not very cold. Actually, it was hot, considering nasa Pangasinan kami. But I just need to feel protected that's why I covered myself in blanket to replace Marc's embrace. It felt good having Darwin beside me. He took my hand and squeezed it as he looked in my eyes.

Darwin: if you're ready to love again, tell me.
Ako: you're aware that my hands are wounded aren't you?
Darwin: oh!! Sorry

Blood started to stain the gauze that covered my wounds as it dripped outside my skin. Darwin immediately let go of my hand and covered my wounded hands another layer of fresh gauze.

Darwin: was it painful?
Ako: no. (I smiled). You make a good doctor.
Darwin: it's all I ever wanted.
Ako: then why didn't you?
Darwin: nah.. I can't. Takot ako sa patay eh. Hahaha
Ako: hahaha! You're hilarous.
Darwin: dati pa. Di mo lang ako pinapansin kaya hindi ka natatawa.
Ako: snob pa ako nun.
Darwin: kahit ngayon naman!
Ako: hindi ah!
Darwin: yung mga kakilala mo lang kaya pinapansin mo. Hirap tuloy yung iba na iapproach ka. Remember Lizzy? She tried to approach you-----------

Darwin mentioned almost everyone that tried to approach me the whole time we've been together as a team. When we were transferred to another, and when I made it to tier 2.. But none of those names sinked in to me. I just laughed with everyone he mentioned. I was busy looking at his eyes as he tried to reminisce all those funny times I was involved I never knew were funny moments. Am I falling in love again? Why is this guy so persistent? Why is he always there for me? Time passed so quickly we didn't even noticed our batchmates were back and that the sun already set.

Berna: guys! Kain na. Kayong dalawa jan, kain na.
Ako: yeah sure.
Berna: laki ng ngiti ateng. Masaya?
Ako: ngiti? More like ngiwi. My wounds still ache.
Berna: ah, ok, siya, kain na. Ano ginawa niyo ni baby kanina dito habang wala kami?
Ako: we just had a conversation.
Berna: sabi na umuwi yan si Sinukuan eh! Erg!!
Ako: what do you mean?
Berna: bigla kase siyang nawala kanina, naglalaro kami ng beach volleyball. Bumalik pala dito.
Ako: why would he do that?
Berna: well, ateng, it's clear may tama pa din sa'yo si Sinukuan.
Ako: *sigh* yeah. We talked about it.
Berna: oh? Ano nangyari?
Ako: I can't love right now. The pain Marc left when I let go of him is still fresh. Just like these wounds in my hands. I can't make Darwin do a rebound.
Berna: just give it time ateng ok? Wounds heal, malayo sa bituka.
Ako: yes.

A teardrop fell from my eye.

Berna: Bagani, umiiyak ka na? Kakain pa tayo kaloka.
Ako: no. I just.. I.. There's something.. It's complicated..
Berna: sige ateng, wag ka na pahalata sa kanila, ayusin mo yang sarili ko then let's eat. I know mahaba haba pang conversation meron tayo mamaya.

Pagkatapos kumain ay nag-inuman ulit ang lahat. Hindi na ako nakiinom. Well, paisa-isa lang na bote pag walang nakatingin. San mig light naman eh. Nakikinig lang ako sa mga kwento nila. May nabasag pa nga na bote at nilayo nila akong lahat dun at baka madagdagan yung sugat ko. Tawa lang kami ng tawa. I went outside and it felt cold. Kung gaano kainit jung umaga ay siya namang lamig ng gabi. I walked a little and found three swings hanging on the branch of a tree. I settled down on the middle. Hindi talaga ako nagsswing kase mahiluhin ako, naupo lang ako nun. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes. Clenching my fist as I held the chains to further feel the pain caused by the incisions I obtained when I fell on the shattered glasses of a bottle of wine. My tears almost fell when suddenly I heard a voice. It was Marc's. Marc settled down on the swing next to me.

Marc: hey yah.. Ano ginagawa natin?
Ako: uhhh.. Nagpapahangin lang. How are you?
Marc: May tama na. Hehe. Ang lakas nila uminom.
Ako: yeah. I reckon last night they were still up when I went drunk.
Marc: how are you?
Ako: *deep breath* I think I'm doing well. Except these cuts. They still hurt
Marc: is it really the wound on your skin or you're trying to tell something else?
Ako: *another deep breath* yeah. I'm.. Not really fine. But I'm trying to pour it all out.
Marc: I'm really sorry.
Ako: don't be. It takes time and you know that. Let it all pour out. Like that other half of the hourglass. Soon it's gonna be over. That's what life is for me right now. Just losing inside till I'm just empty.
Darwin: Another How I Met Your Mother reference??

Marc and I were both shocked when Darwin butted in. He's with our other batch mates.

Ako: you scared me to death! What are you gguys doing here?!
Berna: hinanap namin kayo Bagani. Malay ba namin kung san kayo pumunta?
Ako: we're just talking.
Darwin: Balik na tayo.
Marc: balik na kayo. Pahangin lang ako.
Berna: maiwan na rin ako. *kinindatan ako*.
Ako: I reckon I came here first. You all go, I stay.
Berna: alis ka jan Bagani! Go!
Ako: ayok-- what the?!. Let me go!

Everyone just went holding my arms and legs, trying to lift me up where I settle just so I go away. I stood up and Darwin went to lead the way. But as I stood there, all i could think of was how much I didn't want to leave Marc. How much missed him, and spending time with him in this swing was not enough. I just walked through where Darwin went and let Marc and the others be swallowed by the darkness behind. As well as the memories I've had with Marc. Then it occurred to me it's a bit weird it was just me and Darwin who went back.

Ako: why are we going back?
Darwin: just.. We're… Basta.
Ako: why are WE, JUST WE, going back?
Darwin: look. You'll know when we get there.

It was the longest 5 minutes of my life. We went back to our accomodation. Every light turned off but the place shone with the light coming from the candles arranged like a pathway we followed from the gate to the back of the house where there is a neatly placed blanket and basket. Also, there was a telescope.

Ako: what's all these?
Darwin: We set this trip to make you happy. Everyone will be at the bar. Right now. It's just you and me here. I want to tell you I want to make you happy.
Ako: this is too much. And I do appreciate this. But you know what I'm going through right now.
Darwin: yes. You're on your darkest days. Let me try to shine a little light on your world.
Ako: my decisions, will be just clouded by what I'm going through right now. You can't -
Darwin: it will be fine. I know you want to make decisions when everything is clear. But I think, now is the time you make one which everything is considered.

We settled down at the picnic spot.

Ako: a picnic. At night
Darwin: haha. We're going to gaze at the stars. See?

Darwin gestured his hand at the telescope. Then he opened the basket. He took a sandwich. Wineglass and a sparkling wine.

Ako: I think I'm gonna enjoy this moment better with music.

Darwin took his phone and played Evanescence.

Ako: that's more like it.

What happened that night will be another part to tell. Darwin made so much effort to be in my world. Though thatworld is dark, he tried his best to shine a light, which did a lot of change. For where the darkest place shines a little light the brightest. Thanks for waiting and sorry if it was very lateI submitted this part. I got hooked up with the series I'm reading. Ramil and I also took a trip to Baguio. We spent 2 weeks and made a huge preparation for Panagbenga. We enjoyed it so much.